Beloved? More Questions Than Answers

“and a voice came from heaven, “'You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.'” Luke 3:22b

I read this and tears came to my eyes. “Do you really feel this way about me, God? Am I your beloved? Are you pleased with me?”

I know this is God the Father talking to Jesus and he wasn't talking to me. But there are plenty of passages that speak of God's love for us:

16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” from John 3

and

8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” from Romans 5

But that is speaking of the masses. Somehow I don't feel like God loves me, Kimberly Ann Kuhr White, when I read those verses. And I know there is a disconnect. Sure, if someone were to ask me if God loves me I would say yes. I know it in my head. But it has not fully penetrated my heart and mind. And that is seen in my actions as I continue to seek love and approval from other people rather than have my relational needs met fully in Him.

There are other verses I go to that seem more personal to me:

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;

he will gather the lambs in his arms;

he will carry them in his bosom,

and gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11

I love this picture of a tender shepherd's love.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1John 3:1

I love that in 1John 2 (and throughout the book) John calls them, “Beloved” and “My little children”, and “My dear children”. I know this is John addressing them, but somehow it speaks of the Father's love to me.

I started recounting all the ways that God has shown love to me by His provision for me: giving me Geoff as a husband; giving me 11 beautiful children; surprise packages left on our doorstep that are still a mystery to us; sending Emily Bentz and then Deb Warning to our house just in time for Mary Ann to go to the hospital; providing food, schooling, and care for our other children while Mary Ann was in the hospital for 21 days; leading our church family to put a second story addition on our house for us. The list goes on and on. And while I do feel loved by these things and am amazed that God has provided such, there is still a disconnect. What is the problem? It does not make any sense that I can not see God's love for me in these things and in the truth of his word. God I believe. Help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)